My Feeling.


Woots, long time didnt update my blog..too too too many things happen to me lately...
only blog i can express my feeling..
Peristiwa yang paling menyedihkan dalam hidup aku, papa.papa dah tak ada lagi untuk selama lamanya.
Sampai sekarang,aku masih tak boleh terima kenyataan yang papa dah takda lagi tuk selama lamanya.Tarikh Keramat dlm hidup aku ialah 13 august 2010.Haritu,aku tengah tengok movie phobia dgn kakak and anty.Tengah2 best tengok,tiba2,sis dapat call.That time tak tau sape yg call.The way my sis ckp phone time tu,hati aku gelisah,badanku menggeletar.Afta dia letak je phone,dia nangis gila2..omg!Bila tanya kenapa,dia nangis je.Last2 dia ckp,papa dah tak ada..ya allah,aku menangis mcm org gila.meronta ronta.tampar pipi aku supaya aku rasa itu semua mimpi.Tp ternyata tidak.Hati aku terlampau sedih,pilu sangat2.Bila tanya sis mcm mana papa meninggal.Dia bgtau,papa jatuh katil and meninggal.Sehari sebelum tu,rumah kena potong electric.Aku call papa banyak kali,dia xangkat.Then aku sms dia suruh dia angkat.Afta that,dia call.Aku ckp rmh xda electric.Aku sorg je kt rmh that time.Suruh dia bayar electric.Then papa ckp,dia xsihat,dia demam dah 2 hari.Tiba2 hati aku rasa mcm xtenteram.aku srh dia pegi clinic.jumpa doctor.Dia ckp nanti2 je.Dia nak rest kat rmh.Hari tu jugak,dia gagahkan diri pergi bayar bil electric.Itulah kali terakhir aku dapat bercakap dgn dia.Hari terkahir aku jumpa dia pada 7 august 2010.Haritu,aku pergi makan dgn dia dgn sis.Dia nak belanja aku makan sempena birthday aku.Dia excited sangat masa tu.Aku boleh lihat muka dia betapa happynya dia masa tu.Masa makan dgn papa,dia memang xbanyak bercakap.Dia banyak diam je.Selama ni,kalau kuar makan,mesti dia akan bercakap je.Tapi hrtu dia xbnyk bercakap.Itulah kali terakhir aku dapat jumpa papa.

Ya allah, aku masih xpercaya yang papa dah tak ada lagi.Masa papa pergi untuk selama lamanya, mama pulak kat mekkah masa tu.Betapa beratnya dugaan aku masa tu.Malam papa meninggal tu,aku selongkar almari mama.Keluarkan semua baju.Cari baju kurung aku.Aku dah mcm org gila msa tu.Then kitorang terus je pergi bangi.Rumah papa.sampai je depan rumah papa,aku tengok  ramai org.aku melulu masuk dalam rumah.Walaupun ada org tanya aku anak papa masa tu,aku buat bodoh.Langsung xlayan.Masuk je rumah papa,Ya Allah,aku lihat sekujur tubuh papa terbaring kaku.Badan aku lemah longlai masa tu.Aku xsangka yang papa memang dah takda tuk selamnya.Aku menangis gila2,peluk kakak aku.Kenapa begitu cepat papa pergi.Aku tau ini takdir.Ajal ada di tangan Allah.Tapi aku manusia biasa.Aku xtahan sgt2.Aku menangis teresak esak.Pergi ambik air sembahyang and bacakan yassin depan papa.Sebelum papa meninggal,papa dh 2 hari demam.and papa sesak nafas.Tak sangka,papa jatuh katil and terus meninggal.Then family aku pun dtg malam tu,aku terus peluk dorg,menangis dekat diorang.Then aku balik rumah since jenazah papa dihantar ke hospital untuk buat post mortem.Pagi tu,aku pergi hospital untuk tuntut mayat papa.Aku sempat masuk bilik mayat dan aku lihat papa.Hati aku sayu melihat muka papa.muka papa mcm papa tgh tidur je.Masa tunggu jenazah papa post mortem,pembantu papa,org yg kerja dgn papa cerita pasal papa dekat kitorang.Seminggu sebelum papa meninggal,papa selalu sangat sebut nama aku dgn kaklong.Dia cakap,dia nak bwk kitorang pergi bercuti.Then dia ckp nk ajak g genting sbb dah lama xbwk kitorang g genting.Sehari sebelum papa meninggal,dia nak bawak kitorang buka puasa kat golden palace hotel.But papa demam masa tu,so,ingatkan hari lain je.Hasil post mortem mengatakan papa kena heart attack..jantung papa dah bengkak beberapa hari.Sebab tu papa sesak nafas.

Selepas papa dh post mortem,jenazah papa dibawa ke surau dekat dgn kwsn rumah papa.Aku naik sekali van jenazah papa.Hati aku hiba sangat masa tu.Papa dimandikan dan aku turut mandikan papa.Papa dikapankan dan disembahyangkan.Alhamdulillah,segalanya berjalan dengan lancar.Syukur,ramai sangat yg dtg masa tu.Selepas papa disembahyangkan,kitorang diberi peluang kali terakhir untuk cium wajah papa dan tatap wajah papa.Akulah orang pertama yang cium wajah papa.Muka papa sejuk sangat masa tu.Kemudian papa dibawa ke kubur untuk dikebumikan.Itulah kali terakhir aku dpt lihat papa di dunia ini.Malam tu,buat tahlil then malam tu,aku tdo rmh papa dgn kakak n nenek aku.Aku tidur bilik papa.Katil papa.Aku lihat semua barang papa.And darah papa masih ada kat lantai sebab papa jatuh tersembam.Hati aku pedih sgt lihat darah papa.Aku bukak almari papa semua.Aku ambik baju papa 2 helai,cincin kesayangan papa and hp yang dia belikan untuk aku dlu.aku ambk n simpan.


Hati aku masih sedih,xdapat terima kenyataan sampai sekarang.seminggu lebih afta papa meninggal,mama balik dr mekkah.Aku terus peluk mama,menangis dekat mama,kongsi kesedihan aku dgn mama.Aku sangat sayangkan papa.Dia lah satu satunya papa aku di dunia ini.Aku tau dia sgt2 sayangkan aku dgn kakak aku.Kenapa susah sgt untuk aku terima kenyataan yang papa dah pergi untuk selama lamanya.Aku tau kerana kesedihan aku,aku lukai beberapa org.Aku xbermaksud untuk lukakan hati mereka.Tetapi,aku xdapat tahan kesedihan dlm diri aku ni.

Papa adalah seorang ayah yang baik,bertanggungjawab.Aku masih ingat lagi hari pelantikan aku sebagai ketua pengawas.Aku suruh dia belikan aku hadiah and bagi masa aku diberi jawatan tu.And yes,he bought me present.Dia belikan aku jam.Dia bangga anak dia jd ketua pengawas.And 1 more,hari graduation aku,dia cium pipi aku masa aku kat pentas.Ni semua peristiwa yang xdapat aku lupakan.Papa,maafkan baby.jam yang papa bg tu,dah xada dekat baby lg.jam tu org yg baby benci dh ambk jam tu.Dia nak pakai jam tu and sampai sekarang,dia mmg xpernah nk pulangkan walaupun baby ada mntk dlu.Maafkan baby pa.

Walaupun sebelum2 ni baby ketandusan kasih sayang papa sbb papa xduduk dgn baby,tapi baby tetap rasa sayang papa dekat baby.Papa xpernah abaikan baby dgn kaklong.Apa yang baby mintak semua papa bagi.Masa  papa ada,baby dengan senang lenang belanja.Senang lenang kuar duit,shopping,beli ini itu.Tapi sekarang,dah xkan ada mcm tu lg.Everything now kaklong tanggung baby dgn mama pa.Insyallah,baby akan cari kerja part time untuk duit belanja sendiri.Insyallah,baby akan kekalkan cgpa baby supaya baby xpyh bayar balik loan yg baby pinjam.Insyallah.


Aku jarang luahkan perasaan aku dekat kakak aku.Aku tau dia akan bertambah sedih kalau aku nangis kat dia.So,the better is,aku kunci pintu bilik every nite,menangis and peluk cium baju papa.Itulah yang aku lakukan eveyday utk lepaskan rndu dekat papa.Ada masa terluang je weekend,aku dgn sis akan pergi kubur papa.Itu cara kurangkan rndu dekat papa.

Sorry kalau tulis everythng pasal papa kat sini.Ini je cara baby luahkan perasaan baby.
To everyone yang baca,thanks for reading my feeling..Daaa










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~updated~

Wohooo...updated my blog...wee
Actually,i lazy to update these few days..FYI, i always not in a good mood...Always moody...
Too many things happen lately..About my family and many more....Why all these happen to me??why??
Am i problematic??I hate these situation so much..I just want to be Happy...can i?? 
Last week went to Malacca..Trip with my FIC buddies...had fun there...Miss the trip so muchiieee...
Last week went out with my hubby of course...He accompany me to find job...Thanks baby..U always with me no matter what..U the only one makes me happy when i feel sad or down...U accompany me to sg wang and times square..I appreciate that baby...And today,our last day went out together..T.T
We lunch together at sushi king and find 1 t-shirt for u...For his work...Finally found 1  t-shirt for him...we walked at sg wang and try to find a few jobs for me..Even i got offer already...But we just try to find others..And,i got 1 offer better than before...Wee...The salary increase few hundreds...yiepeee...can't wait to buy my new phone..T.T..Hopefully can buy...Just my wish btw..
Again,he accompany me today..I am so happy baby...U always there for me..U really2 important to me... U shines my life..Just want u to know, I am happy with u...And I am sorry if lately,i always mad at u,scold u, moody and so on..I am really2 sorry baby..I didnt mean to hurt u actually...I am sorry...
Today our last day went out together..we will not hang out almost 1 month after this..:(
Both of us will start work  this week...I feel sad actually... But,nvm,we work 1 month only...
I want u to be happy always...Happy wif me,happy with ur life..And honey,since u start work tomorrow,i wish u all the best..If u feel lazy,just remember me..wee...and think of me...u will excited go to work..XD...I love u so much..Bear in your mind that i'll always be with u when u need me baby..Take care...gudluck in work...xoxo


Our memories.....



















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Life~~~

Hye peeps...Its quite a long time i didnt blogging..feel lazy to blogging nowadays..
Oh GOSH, my exam is coming soon!!! and yet, i didnt touch any books...gosh~~~
Last nite went to karoke at KTV's Ampang Park to celebrate uncle shah's bday..14 of us...8pm till 1140pm...feel tired actually..but,after went to karoake,we went to pulse at Hotel Mandarin..near Pavillion..at first,we dont have place to seat...so,we have to wait awhile..then we got 1 empty table..beside the stage..oh gosh..the speaker just above our head..haha...suddenly,we met 1 guy that we dont want to see...arghh..spoilt my mood and others too...we still dance but my eyes always looked at him..when i looked at him,i saw him talked with a few guys with a coat..maybe bonzer or his friend..
around 2am, ayang mia and husband went back home..we dont want that guy followed us..5mins later,we went back..left my csn and her friends there...while we waiting the car at the jokey,suddenly,that guy also wait his car there...F***...he saw us go out from pulse...my sis dnt want him to followed us...so,my sis's bf reverse the car and wait us infront pavillion..so,i and my sis go to the lobby hotel..and he also go to the lobby..arghh...why he wanna followed us...then me and sis go to the car..finally..he didnt follow us...

Today, i woke up 1230pm..XD...when i woke up,i feel very2 tired...my mum wake me up..haihz...then i ate bread and watch tv awhile...around 230pm,i slept again till 5pm like that...woah...after i wake up,i feel fresh...thats all for today...

My mood swings like....haihz...no mood at all...sorry to everyone if i did something that u dont like...sorry again...

I still confuse what degree i wanna take...which college i wanna continue my study...My dream to study at Segi Damansara but i think i cant continue study there...so,still thinking till now..and very confuse...T.T...

To u my beloved YEOH KIM BEE,

i love u so much honey...always want u to be wif me...no matter what ever we faced, i hope u and me still together...i do love u and truly from my heart...u the first person that i love so much...thanks for everything...i'll miss,love,need,care about u....always and always...u shine my life...u always be with me..i really appreciate that... Love U Always....xoxo
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~happy valentines day~

14th february...valentines day and chinese new year...
u my valentine honey..i love u so much..
happy valentines day honey..
i dedicate this poem for u..:)

You've Touched My Heart
You've given me a reason
For smiling once again,
You've filled my life with peaceful dreams
and you've become my closest friend.

You've shared your heartfelt secrets
And your trust you've given me,
You showed me how to feel again
To laugh, and love, and see.

If life should end tomorrow
And from this world I should part,
I shall be forever young
For you have touched my heart


 

 we'll always happy and love each other honey...

he said : 
"happy valentines day my love...i promise to take good care of you and i always will shower you with my love...hope ure happy wif me even the fiercest storm and toughest windwill never tear us apart...i love u



 

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feelings???

just wanna wrote what i feel lately...
Yesterday, my result came out. went to college at 11am. after take result,we went to eat our breakfast. i just eat 2 or 3 spoon of keow teow goreng.thats all. after that, we wet to library and start discussing our presentation till 4pm. i went back home and sleep. when i woke up,its time for dinner. i feel so hungry that time. my mum talking about my result. sudddenly, my sis mad and start scold me. i dunno what i do until my sis mad at me. this is not first time. but ALWAYS. what she want form me?? i do my best in studies. can u please appreciate me even a little.?? i'd no mood to eat. my mum asked me to eat,bt i dnt want. today, i hurt sumone..oh god...whats wrong with me??? i tried to sleep but 30mins later,i wake up..stomachache. my meal for the whole day today ONLY 2 or 3 spoon of keow teow. thats why stomachache and dizzy. 

Today, wake up early because soon wanna go out with my frens. my mum prepared breakfast for us. and again,my sis scold me.she always scold me even i didnt do anytng wrong.f*** ...why???why??? i am human.only human.. can u please think what i feel?? i asked my frens to go out with me today because im too stress. finally, my frens decide to go karaoke. thanks to sheera because u want me to feel happy and bring me to karaoke. im really2 sorry. i knw u all want to make me feel better. but, even we went to karaoke and shopping a bit, my mood still not okay. sorry guys. but i really2 appreciate u all because u all tried to cheer me up. today,i dnt have appetite to eat again. just eat 1/3 quarter of chicken rice for my lunch. when i got back home, feel hungry and still dnt have mood to eat. i just eat famous amos as my dinner because u asked me to eat. i eat because i love u.so much

whats wrong with me lately??? always moody. feel sad,unhappy and so on. i am not gud enough for u. i know. i love u so much but sumtimes u cant feel my love to u. i hurt u so many times. i wanna be close with u as usual,share everything with u.only u and me. even sadness and happiness. u always be with me no matter what.. i really2 appreciate that. i dunno how to express my feelings here. i want everything we do together. but....i dunno what i gonna do now. i feel i always make u sad.never make u happy...am i?? i tried to be the best one for u. bt im failed. too many things in my head now..too many things i wanna write here but i'd no mood at all... i just wanna promise to myself,i wanna our relationship happy always.no fighting2,no argueing each other and so on. i hope we can understand each other more and more. to u, sorry for everything..too many things in my head now and till now,i'd no mood at all..i dunno when my mood gonna be okay as usual..but,my surroundings makes me feel moody..maybe im too sensitive and need more attention..i just want u to know,i will always be with u no matter what..even ur sadness..i'll be part in ur life..remember,u have me beside u..i do love u..so much..u the only one that i love..




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sad???

the sad week..T.T
i was too stupid..i admit it..hurt so many people that i love..
from bottom of my heart,i really2 sorry makes u all hurt because of me..didnt mean too..
i dunno why i too stupid that time...and now,i have to be careful all the time..haihz..
makes people cried because of me..

now,everywhere i go,i must careful all the time...
what my sis said to me,i know its true..
she care of me but sumtimes i too stress with her...
haihz..what to do....cannot do anything...silent is the best...
sorry mum makes u feel sad...didnt mean to hurt u btw....
my mum now okay and she understand me...i love u mum...
to u honey,sorry if i makes u trouble because of me...
u need to take care of me more afta this..sorry dear..
but i try to take care of myself okay...
i love all of u so much...
thanks because u all really2 care of me and love me...
now i feel like to eat chocolate..haha..:P
chocolate can makes my mood better..
wanna eat eat eat...hahaha...
i want patchi,cadbury,kinder bueno,hershey's and more...
i still remember my fren gave me chocolate...she bought at pavillion..
so many shape..i eat all...the chocolate was damn damn nice..hehe..
tomorrow my econs class...maybe got econs assignmnet..omg..im nt ready to do assignmnet yet..
haihz...nvm ler...must do no matter what..hehe
thats all frm me today...
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♥a bouquet of flowers makes me smile and happy♥

Today was my happy day..XD
got english class at 12.15pm...new lecturer better than before..hehe...i tink so..
before going to class, u came to my hse and suprised me..
a bouquet of flowers in your hand..
i was suprised...
u came to see me and gave flowers to me..











i am really2 happy honey...
u always makes me smile and happy..
take care of me no matter what...
i love the flowers...
roses one of my favourite flowers..
i love it..
u are perfect for me..
u'll always in my heart..
i love u so much...

one day, i asked him why he likes me and love me...he replied
"  Because ure like my fren, best fren soulmate, lover, angel and everything of me. Because when u leave, u took away my everything. Because youre the only one that im holding to right now. Because your smile is my day by day's strength. Because i cant see my life when u arent near. Because i need you and i love you "

for me, u are really2 wonderful sayang..really happy u came to my life..
i'll make u happy as i can...i just want u to know that i'll always be beside u, take care of u and love u...
so,girls, bak off from him okay!!he's only MINE...and im urs only...
i love u always...


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